there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
