Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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