He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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