Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
