I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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