Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
