My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
