so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize