I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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