I hate all girls vehemently.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like death gave me a hand job
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
