Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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