So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
