I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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