Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
