Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
