I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
