Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
