just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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