Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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