I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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