Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
