im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
