he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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