My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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