you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
