the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
