some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
