Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Alive.
So much puke
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize