I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
