Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
