How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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