Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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