you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
