I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
