it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
