I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
