You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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