Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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