Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize