He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
