Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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