We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
