Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
