The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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