I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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