ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
