This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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