i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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