You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
