I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
