she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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