Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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