foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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