it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
