it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
