After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
