I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize