No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
