will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
