Just cropdusted the office
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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