She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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