the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
