Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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