Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Are my feet made of real feet?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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