I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
