You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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