if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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