eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There r osticjed everywhere
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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