You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
