JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
