Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
