Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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