would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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