Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
whose ass print is on the piano?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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