I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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