i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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