this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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