Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
