Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
