i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
