I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
