guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
