I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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