i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
