was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
