I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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