I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
