i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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