dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
