he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
