hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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