Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
