New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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