White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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