her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
