You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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