Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize