awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
