I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
