We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
