I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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