my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize