I smell stomach acid.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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