Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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