I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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