Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
